vhallee's paintball experience

Hello I'm vhallee and I'm not afraid of ghosts. Ok, maybe a little.

Our team building events are amazing. Just recently, our first round of paintball and bowling adventure were on the news and there will be a documentary soon on National Geographic channel about them called “PokerStrategy – The pimptastic school of awesomeness”. Also, my right hand is numb from all that autograph signing that I do on my way to buy drugs and Skittles.

Due to the huge success that our paintball experience had, this weekend was the time for the second round. Just like when a Sicilian is celebrating his birthday, company paintball means you can do anything that day and get away with it basically, regardless of the team you are in. The strategy article wasn't translated in time? The video was broken? The news had errors in it? Make them pay. This is also a reason why some don't even join us and they invoke pathetic reasons like 'business meeting', 'leaving the city', 'in prison' or stuff like that. Pansies.

Now there's a little thing you need to take into consideration when playing this game: if your target is closer than, let's say 5 meters, then that's called painball. Of course I learned that the hard way on two separate occasions, both of which were in a distance of 5 meters or less: first time I was hiding behind a hill on the right side of my team's field. I was hidden better than North Korea hides its nukes and I was pretty much sure that I covered that side good enough, which meant that I was only supposed to be careful with the left side. Bad move. As soon as I got up to run towards the middle, I got shot in the ass by someone from the goddamn right side. Also, the shot gave me an ass cramp for the next few minutes. I suck.

Paintball minigun. Be a god among men

Well, I figured since I was still halfway on enemy territory, I might just as well keep going and reach their exit, holding my gun and my left hand up high so anyone could see I'm not a threat. It didn't work out that way, as it only took a minute or so and another enemy who was hidden in the bushes shot me in the ass (what the hell is wrong with you people?). At the end, Lutz aka Xantos told me that I should have been singing to signal the ones who weren't sure if I'm bluffing or I was really down. He also admitted he was the one who shot me in the ass that second time. I did not ask him if he enjoyed it because he had a creepy smile on his face while he was talking to me.

The best picture I could find to show my feelings after two ass cramps. I'm supposed to be the cat there by the way.

Join me next time when I will buy a monkey and take it home just for the fun of it.